Pompeii Explodes – With A Huge “Pfft!”

Even The Terrifying Might Of Mount Vesuvius Struggled To Make This Movie Matter

ON CONTINUITY

ARTH VADER (AV): So, in 79 A.D., the Roman city of Pompeii and it’s surrounding cities and towns were mostly destroyed and/or buried by more 15 ft of volcanic ash. The hauntingly beautiful remains of those caught in the fury of this devastating natural disaster are preserved forever in stone as a testament to the unrelenting power of this event. The nearly 12,000 inhabitants succumbed to terrifying might of nature in one of history’s most famous catastrophes. In similar fashion, the recent release of Pompeii is an equal catastrophic event of it’s own. Disappointing since the trailer implied a much better filmgoing experience. What did you think, old friend? 

THE PONTIFICATOR (TP): Despite a slight geographical change, the film depicts the most well known fact about Pompeii: It got wiped out by a volcano. I think the rest of the filler, sans any hard corroborating evidence, was entertaining. 

CASTING, DIRECTING & ACTING

AV: A compelling cast to be sure, I enjoyed the role players, the cinematography and camerawork of Pompeii. As for the acting itself, well, hmm. The leading role portrayed by the devilishly handsome and talented Kit “Hi, I’m John Snow” Harrington, felt overly brooding and forced. The love interest, played by Emily “I’ve been Sucker-Punched again” Browning did little more than bat her eye lashes and portrayed her best Juliet impression to bad boy Harrington’s Romeo. But all is not lost, Ponty! I did enjoy two characterizations in Pompeii. First is Adeewale “Just call me Kurse” Akinnuoye-Agbaje who plays the prophetic and powerful Atticus, and Sacha “welcome to Warehouse 13” Roiz plays the badass Roman warrior, Proculus. These are a few of the names the round out a particularly impressive cast that deliver a particularly unimpressive screenplay of Director Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil series and the Death Race 2000 films). Casting thoughts, Pontificator? 

TP: Well paced and easy to watch, the film employed some pretty good acting talent and delivered an entertaining film Vader. Kit Harington (best known from Game of Thrones) showed that he has the chops for a lead (in this type of film anyway) and seems to have taken his first steps toward “action star.” Carrie-Anne Moss was more subdued in the role of mother and wife, not something I’m used to seeing her do, but she did it well enough. Her onscreen husband, Jared Harris was excellent and delivered, convincingly, concerned and loving father put into a very precarious situation. Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje didn’t have much to do but convince us that he was badass in the arena…which was easy for him to do but he also added some depth to his character, Atticus. I had mixed feelings about Kiefer Sutherland here as I’m not used to seeing him in the role of the bad guy, and he did is so well. It’s a testament to his ability to invoke disdain in me for his character portrayal. 

SPECIAL EFFECTS

AV: This movie is the reigning 2014 grand-champion of disaster porn! The standards of disaster effects here are as good as I have seen (too bad it doesn’t really move the needle by way of the story quality). It’s true that great visual effects can enhance the movie-going experience but oh man, with that said, this movie looks great! The cityscape, the explosion of the volcano and my favorite, the rising up to crush the city and shore line, even as volcanic debris pummels escaping ships quite exciting stuff, wouldn’t you agree P-Man? 

TP: Indeed I do oh Dark One. There was no new ground broken here, but the old ground of great 3D effects were done very well. It’s hard to mess up explosions and giant fire balls, and this film not only didn’t mess it up, they threw it all right at you. The wardrobe also stood out here for me as the armors seemed very grand and detailed…visually stunning actually. Another part of the film that stood out was the fight scenes. I was surprised at how well they were done and have to give props to the actors, stunt men and choreographer for the “whoa” factor of the action. 

TAKING A DEEPER LOOK

AV: The sad truth here is that Pompeii fizzled where it could have roared. Using the historically famous eruption as a backdrop for a much more complex story about the vanity of ancient Rome could have gone somewhere great. Instead, this movie took the weak action route and added a revenge/prodigal son twist. NOT a great idea. The screenplay (and in no small part the editing left the viewer uncaring and disconnected concerning the fate of the main character and I personally was left feeling indifferent about the fate of the people of Pompeii and I had little left than a semi-emotional shoulder-shrug once the final credits rolled. While there are interesting character and dialogue-driven moments between Atticus and Kit, as well as the solid performance of the tense relationship between Browning and Kiefer “Bored until the new 24” Sutherland, the movie just misses the mark on engagement. The film lacks the ability to build any interest on the behalf of the audience, and that, like Mount Vesuvius, doomed the city–and film–of Pompeii. 

TP: Every indication of this film was that it was a love story centered around the story of the destruction of Pompeii, and while it was that…it was also more than that. When I discuss this film with people, they are surprised to hear me refer to it as a gladiator film. The marketing of this movie hurt it I think as more people would have gone to see it if they knew it was a gladiatorial based, with a bit of love and destruction mixed in for good measure. This wouldn't be the first time Hollywood has dropped the ball with marketing, nor will it be the last. It’s just a shame that so many never gave this film a chance because they had no interest in seeing a love story…not realizing that it had some excellent action in it.

ON SEQUELS

AV: Just… no. 

TP: Nope…I don’t see a sequel on the horizon. With the destruction of the city, and death of everyone… absolutely everyone, a sequel just doesn’t seem likely.

RATE IT!

ARTH VADER rates Pompeii: What makes this film watchable is the inconsequential arena battles, the opening northern European village savaged by Roman troops and the sense of redemption in a poorly spun hero’s journey. While there is simply no way I would recommend our readers go see this movie in the theater, it could make for a good rental. With that, Pompeii covers 5 busted blocks in a sea of volcanic ash that will bury this movie in an overwhelming pile of molten forgettability.

THE PONTIFICATOR rates Pompeii: Even though I’m a sucker for Roman / Gladiator movies, this film was actually better than I expected it to be. The look of it was superb and the action sequences, especially the fights, were absolutely stunning. Although the script was simplistic, the cast pulled it off well enough to melt six (6) busted blocks upon eruption. 

Pompeii: 5.5 / 10 Busted Blocks

City Of Bones: Complicated, No Bones About It

The world is a complicated place in
The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones.

ON CONTINUITY

ARTH VADER (AV): As the first installment to the The Mortal Instruments series of books, City of Bones chronicles 15 year-old Clarissa Fray as she discovers a mystical world woven into our own, shrouded by magic, mystery and mayhem. Wrought with danger and peril at every turn, the young 'Clay' must accept her widening role as a Shadow hunter, a gifted slayers of vampires and demons. According to my 16-year-old daughter, this film is extremely faithful to the source material. Though I have NOT read the series—written by renowned urban teen fantasy writer, Cassandra Clare–my daughter has read the series several times over and she can indeed confirm the authenticity and alignment of the movie. 

THE PONTIFICATOR (TP): I have never read any of the novels by Cassandra Clare, so I have no frame of reference with which to compare the accuracy of the film... although I will certainly take your daughter’s word Vader, as gospel. It seems that there are a plethora of novels, so I assume there may be more films... which would help to explain all the loose ends in this one.

CASTING, DIRECTING & ACTING

AV: With a cast of mostly young, unknown up-and-comers, this movie holds a delightful energy. The more senior roles, such as CCH Pounder (The Wire) and Jared Harris (Mad men, Resident Evil) help lend their considerable acting chops to City of Bones, the direction, was–for me–a bit heavy-handed at times, but was remarkably well paced and the shot framing kept pace with the film's tempo and story arc. Director Harald Zwart (Karate Kid, Agent Cody Banks) handled a complex story line like a pro. Ponty, you're up… 

TP: The casting wasn’t significant as there were no really big names attached to the film. Lena Headey (300) got to sleep for most of the film and Jared Harris (Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows) certainly wasn’t delivering as he did when he was Professor Moriarty. If I had to sum up the rest of the actors in one word... unremarkable would be that word. To round out the trifecta... the direction of this film was all over the place. I struggled to keep pace with who was who and what was what as the film just kept throwing half thought out ideas and lame dialogue at me for the better part of two hours.

SPECIAL EFFECTS

AV: City of Bones delivers a rich tapestry of visual effects set designs, CGI and audio effects. A few paragraphs ago I mentioned heavy handedness as a note on this film. Now to my eyes, the visual presentation is terrific but in all honesty, it is a bit much. There are sequences that are downright overdone as the "City" is revealed to the audience and the reliance on heavy effects shots is commonly a concern but this movie makes no effort to disguise it's true nature (as is the movie's story) and dazzles the viewer with an array of dizzying effects shots. Overall, I was impressed with the film's handling of SF/X. What did you think my friend? 

TP: Wake me up when they add a component to the effects that make them “special” Vader. Really, no new ground was broken and the stuff we’ve already seen wasn’t even done well. I’m sorry, but there is a barometer now for werewolves and vampires since they’ve been done so much...and the filmmakers should have taken notes. The demons were just ridiculous and made no sense as I wondered if they were just Resident Evil rejects. You’d figure the money saved on getting some talent would have at least been spent to dazzle us.

TAKING A CLOSER LOOK

AV:  While this moving fits snugly into a growlingly aggravating genre for me—namely the "special-teenager-saves-the-world-because-the-stupid-adults-can't" genre—I can see why this film and book series is so popular. It's the single 'mysterious' Mom (with brooding past intact) raising a rebellious, fiercely independent daughter in a broken home, with all kinds of hijinks and interesting characters, mystical and not-so-much, all around her. There's romance, danger and the hint of ancient evil infused in her family tree that dates back for eon's–literally since the distinction between good and evil was defined–which is a familiar and quite frankly, uninspired storytelling approach. In fact, there are no real original thoughts here but the story and the approach taken to tell it are passionate. P-Man, what did you think of this latest teenager-turned-savior adventure? 

TP: Ok... half the film to answer the “who am I question” and the other half to change the answer we finally got. I just don’t think the writers should be smoking the good stuff while planning these films. Character development was tragic and I never felt connected to anyone in this film... indeed, I began rooting for the bad guy just so it could all be over... painfully. I don’t think I have enough fingers to count all the loose ends... worse still, is I don’t really care. Simon was probably the most interesting character to me as he was the “mundane”...the regular human in the pack of half-angel warriors...dealing with repressed love as the desire of his affection fell for her... brother? We never get to see the resolution or development of poor Simon after his abduction and rescue from vampires... as he was obviously changing in some way from the bite he sustained. The bite Clary discovers, but says absolutely nothing about despite knowing it came from vampires (weird). Weirder still is the insinuation that Clary and Jace might still go forward with their feelings... even after finding out they are siblings (ugh). I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since her half-angel mother was shacking up with a werewolf (ugh again).

I still can’t figure out the title... as they spent about two minutes in the actual City of Bones and the significance of the visit was lost the moment they left. That’s like calling Star Wars “Star Wars: Greedo’s Revenge” based on his brief bar scene. I think the point of this film was NOT to make sense. 

ON SEQUELS

AV: This movie is sequel-bond as, down to it's DNA, it is engineered as the launchpad for a trilogy (or greater sum) of films. While this movie doesn't wholly appeal to the adult movie-goer, it conveniently–and competently–fills the hungry teen and tween market-space for fantasy and drama. I am interested to see more as the fantasy element is highly engaging and ventures further into more mature arenas than simply teen love fests between super-empowered kids who are 'learning their true destiny'. I know my daughter is certainly giddy for the next installment. Pontificator, what were your thoughts? 

TP: My thoughts Vader...? I know there are a plethora of books out there with more material that can be shown... I’m just hoping they don’t bother to show it.

RATE IT!

ARTH VADER rates The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones: The truth is this movie is fun to watch, if not a hair overcomplicated but, according to my trusted–if not totally biased 16-year-old info source–this movie actually covers all of book 1 and part of the follow-up installment, City of Ashes. While not entirely original, this movie delights and leaves the viewer cued up for future installments. So having not read the series, this sci-fi/fantasy movie-lover gives The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones seven (7) busted, if not somewhat enchanted, Busted Blocks. 

THE PONTIFICATOR rates Mortal Instruments: City of Bones: I disliked this movie. Granted, it wasn’t the worst film I have ever scene, but it sure was among the most annoying. The story was dumb, the acting was tortuous... and it didn’t even have the gall to make sense. It tried to slice it’s way to the top, but could only manage to cut four (4) busted blocks... and they didn’t even bleed. 

Mortal Instruments: City of Bones – 5.5 / 10 Busted Blocks